


This is your life

by world_enough



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Canon Rewrite, Canon Timeline, Canon-Typical Violence, Disability, Drinking, F/M, Fix-It, Guns, Ianto Jones-Centric, Injury, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Ianto Jones, POV Jack Harkness, Paralysis, Permanent Injury, Wheelchairs, a normal amount, also a normal amount, as per canon, tags are hard ill add them when they show up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:40:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 19,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26793796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/world_enough/pseuds/world_enough
Summary: After an accident, Ianto Jones's life changes. For the better or for worse? Who's to say...
Relationships: Gwen Cooper/Rhys Williams, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Owen Harper/Toshiko Sato
Comments: 54
Kudos: 107





	1. Chapter 1

The nurse doesn't say "I'm sorry," but her pitying look does. Ianto hates it, and he hates her for it.

"Don't be afraid to call if you need anything," she says, and then leaves Ianto in the room with the four other people, something he very much does not want.

At least Owen is pretending to appear busy, glancing down at the bedside clipboard in an apparently studious manner that Ianto can tell is fake. Gwen and Tosh aren't even trying to look busy- they're just staring at him in silence. Gwen, being Gwen, of course, is the first one to break that silence.

"Ianto, I-"

"Out," Ianto says, voice thick with emotion. "Get out. All of you."

The three of them send looks between each other, but none of them move until Owen gives a minute shrug. They file out, each giving him their own version of a pitying look. Gwen and her "you'll be all right in the end!" smile, Tosh and her "I'm so sorry that this happened" frown, Owen and his "what can you do, mate?" tilt of his head. Ianto watches them leave and tries not to want to throw something at them. Or the dark figure standing in the corner, refusing to move along with the rest.

"I said, all of you," Ianto says, clutching his hands at the bedclothes.

Jack merely moves from the shadows, shifting a chair close to the hospital bed and sitting in it, visually saying that he is staying right here. He reaches out and unclenches one of Ianto's hands from the sheets, smoothing it out between his own two hands. 

"Maybe," he says, tone ever so gentle, "we should stop."

Ianto swallows. He knew this would happen, because it was completely inevitable, but he didn't think it would be so soon. He had hoped they could let it go gradually, in increments, instead of taking it all away in one fell swoop. But perhaps it was better this way, like ripping off a plaster, or some other simile. Ianto hates similes.

"Yeah," he says when he can find his voice. "Yeah. You shouldn't have to deal with... with this. With me."

"No!" Jack says. His hands tighten around Ianto's uncomfortably, but he quickly drops it to reach up to Ianto's face, cupping it like it is his lifeline. "No no no no no! Not that, Ianto! Never that!"

Ianto wants to ask him what exactly the fuck he means, then, if not that, but Jack's moving his hands up from his cheeks and into his hair, and treating him so, so tenderly. It is kind of hard to think when Jack's doing that, mainly because Jack has never done that before.

"What I meant," Jack says, audibly forcing himself to be gentler, softer, "is that we should quit Torchwood."

Ianto scoffs, rolling his eyes with inpatients. "Obviously. I don't think that I could chase a weevil in a... Hang on, _we_?"

"Yeah."

"You can't quit!"

"And why not?" Jack challenges, sitting back slightly. His hands move from Ianto's face as he folds his arms. 

"Oh, let's see," Ianto mocks, "they just got you back, they're now down a person already, and there's just plain _no reason_."

"I'm quitting," Jack says defiantly.

" _Jack_..."

"I'm an adult, and I can make my own decisions," Jack says.

Ianto would like to argue more, to make Jack see reason. There is absolutely no real logic behind quitting, and Ianto wants to tell Jack exactly why, but Jack does what Jack does best: he puts his foot down and does what he wants, no questions asked and nobody to stop him. It's frustrating as hell, but he hasn't the time to argue with Jack about it, anyway, not with all the occupational therapies and psychotherapies and physical therapies and every other therapy he has to do. 

He learns very quickly that walking again is not an option. He has a t9 complete spinal cord injury. No feeling, no movement. However, the doctors are extremely baffled, because apparently, he still has some functions that usually go away with a completely severed spine. That was all Jack's doing, with that patented Kiss of Life of his. Could've healed his spine, or maybe saved some sensation, but no, all he gets is a few confused doctors. Yay. (Though Jack is later very, _very_ pleased with himself when he learns his Miracle Kiss saved Ianto's sexual functions.)

Torchwood, after Owen has read through the other doctor's reports, gives Ianto "disability pay." This is a complete joke, and Ianto knows that, because Ianto has read the forms. The only "disability pay" that exists is dispensed from a bottle of retcon or a barrel of a gun. Ianto knows which he'd prefer.

Jack spends all the time he can with Ianto. When Ianto isn't insanely pissed off at him, he is grateful for this. But Jack talks about the future all the time, and all the changes that are about to come, and Ianto just wants to scream. He doesn't want changes, not even the "good" ones, because every good change come with ten bad ones. Therapists tells him no change is inherently good or bad, it's merely change, but it doesn't look that way from where he's sitting. It's just utter bullshit.

Inpatient treatment becomes outpatient treatment, and then Ianto can go home. Ianto makes sure that it is his bedsit they're returning to, because some changes he probably just can't handle. He wants to go _home,_ not anywhere else. He lives on the ground floor, so it should be fine.

"Are you sure about this?" Jack asks as he unlocks the door. "I don't think this is going to work."

"It will," Ianto says stubbornly. 

Jack shakes his head. "All right."

It doesn't. At all. The cramped space and inaccessibility is what makes it unfit for living. Two days of struggle make this very clear to Ianto, but he holds on for one more night before he admits its faults. Jack has always been one to thrash about in his sleep, but Ianto used to be able to kick back when Jack shoved him in the throes of a nightmare. Jack immediately declares the bedsit unfit for the two of them (after apologizing profusely for booting Ianto off the bed). 

So, Jack buys a house.

This, obviously, starts another fight between the two of them.

"You can't just buy a house!"

"Why not?" Jack asks incredulously. "People buy houses all the time!"

"This is different," Ianto snaps. "You're buying it for me!"

"And?"

"And you shouldn't have to do that!" 

"I want to!" Jack says, missing the point entirely.

And then Jack wins the argument again by simply going and buying a house. Ianto wants so desperately to hate him for it, but he can't. He doesn't have the right to hate Jack, because despite the occasional slip ups, Jack has been completely and totally good to him. He's not pitying, he won't let Ianto sit around and pity himself, and he's not awful about it, either. He's absolutely bloody perfect, and Ianto wishes even more to hate him for that. It's so unfair that Jack can just naturally be good at this. And if he's not natural, then he's done this before. It's so frustrating. 

The actual move to the house takes less than half a day, because Ianto and Jack have very few possessions between the two of them. Ianto has a wardrobe, Jack has a wardrobe, and then maybe they have twelve boxes of personal belongings and a few bits of furniture. What takes a while, though, is installing all the various implements around the house to make Ianto's life easier. Bars, sinks he can reach, a ramp up to the front door. The Torchwood team comes to help with that as well as the actual move-in. Rhiannon does, too, and it is incredibly awkward.

"How... how are you?" she asks as he sits and watches as Jack and Owen move furniture around.

Ianto holds back hysterical laughter. _How is he?_ Jesus Christ, there's not a word in the English language for how he is. It's like a long, awful combination of frustrated, angry, pissed off, depressed, empty, and just plain unhappy. 

"As well as can be expected," Ianto says, because that is a bland answer and she can take whatever she wants from that.

"Right," Rhiannon says.

She searches him with a pitying look, and he tries very hard not to hate her, too. He hates too many things, and his sister shouldn't be one of them.

"So." She nods at Jack. "Jack. That's... new."

He shrugs.

"How come you never told me about him?"

He can't say, "Oh, probably because he's never once hinted at a relationship until after I was run off the road in the company SUV by a homicidal blowfish alien, fucked up my life, then moved in with him."

"Just didn't know what to say," he says instead.

She watches Jack for a while, as if determining if she's okay with this. He wants her to be, because she's his sister, and he's always going to want her approval. But he also doesn't, because this is happening, whether she wants it to or not.

"Are you happy with him?" she asks, still observing Jack as he rearranges the settee yet again with Owen.

Ianto does not know how to answer that. Is he happy? No. Is he happy with Jack? That he isn't sure of. If this were over two months ago, he'd say yes, because this is what he wanted then: Jack, a real relationship, a house. But even then, he never wanted to leave Torchwood, or change the nature of what he had with Jack just to get those other two things. 

"Yeah," Ianto says, just to stop them both from wondering what the real answer is.

Everyone stops by to visit from time to time. Rhiannon, mostly, but it's always super awkward, because she gives him "look what's happened to my baby brother" glances and he cannot stand those. He also notes she never brings the kids, or offers to bring them, or anything. It doesn't feel the same anymore with her around. The team visits, too. Gwen and her cheery attitude take up more room than necessary, and sometimes he finds himself wishing she'd just forget about him. That's a bit unfair, though, because he does like her. It's just hard to deal with her occasionally. Tosh, on the other hand, is perfect company, because she refuses to talk about anything other than work, and they spend good hours talking about codes, data, archiving, and all the fun things he misses. But Ianto's favourite visit by far has got to be Owen's. He shows up only the once, but he's very, very drunk. He stays for all of five minutes, spewing drunken nonsense, until Jack casts him back out into the night. Ianto has not laughed since.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack emerges from the loo to glance around the sitting room. He's still surprised it looks nice. It isn't a home quite yet, but it's all right, and he lives here. He's finding it a bit hard to believe he's living in an actual house, but he is enjoying it.He could live a life like this. The bed's certainly great- bigger than his cot or the one in Ianto's small bedsit. No more kicking Ianto off the bed (he still feels really, really bad about that).

Martha Jones, the lovely nightingale, walks into the room, dispersing his thoughts. He turns to her, smiling, and she grins back at him.

"How do you like it?" he asks, holding his hands out at the room.

"It's lovely," she says. "Still needs a bit of personal touch, but otherwise, it's perfect."

"I would've offered for you to stay here, but it's a bit... chaotic here at nighttime."

"No, I get it," she says quickly. "I'd probably add to the chaos. Tish and I kept each other up all the time when we lived together after the reset. Best if I stay at a hotel."

"How long are you here for?"

"Just until after UNIT is finished destroying the rest of the Pharm," Martha says. "Then I'm back to London."

"You sure you don't want to stay? Torchwood's got openings."

"Not for a doctor. Owen's got that covered." She puts an hand on his arm. "You still sure about quitting? Tish says you talked about them a lot during... well."

"I'm sure."

Mostly, anyway. He isn't sure of what he wants anymore. But does it matter? He shakes himself and returns to a broad smile.

"So, Tish told you things, did she?"

"Yeah. About the team, about your stories. A lot about Ianto." She wags an eyebrow at him. "I can see why. He's quite something."

Jack laughs. "Where is he, anyway?"

"Kitchen," she says, hitching a thumb over her shoulder in that direction.

Jack peeks past her. Ianto is in there, rearranging the refrigerator. Again. The grin slides from Jack's face, and Martha turns equally solemn.

"He's not okay," she murmurs. "Really, he's... I mean, it's understandable, but still... I asked him how he was feeling today, and he just stared at me."

"I know," Jack says quietly. "I can't tell what's worse. The anger, or the blankness."

Jack watches as Ianto moves the carrots closer to the rest of the vegetables, then slams the door shut and wheels further into the kitchen, out of view. 

"He's getting a better wheelchair in a few days," Jack remarks. "Custom made."

"That's good," Martha says, as if she's not sure why he's telling her this.

"He's going to hate it." He shakes his head. "He hates everything, even when it's good for him."

Martha furrows her brow in concern. "Maybe he should see someone." 

Jack snorts, derisive and hollow. "He's still Torchwood. Torchwood doesn't do therapists. Can you imagine the amount of retcon we'd need?"

Three days later, Martha is leaving and has one last dinner with them. Ianto spends most of it drinking the wine, and by the time Jack shuts the front door behind Martha, Ianto is on the settee, inebriated. Jack watches him for a bit, and when Ianto drunkenly falls off the settee onto the floor, Jack scrambles down after him. Inexplicably, Ianto bursts out laughing as his legs start to spasm. He sounds absolutely unhinged.

"Ianto?" Jack says cautiously. "Are you all right?"

"'f course I'm not," Ianto giggles. "'m fuckin' useless."

Then he passes out. Jack is beside himself for a moment, then he recalls that Ianto can't hold alcohol very well. He carries Ianto to bed, tucks him in, and decides to deal with everything else in the morning. Which is, of course, when the new wheelchair finally arrives. 

"Look," Jack says, tapping a part of the titanium frame. "You'll always be in red."

Ianto looks like he wants to be drinking again.


	3. Chapter 3

The first real public outing Ianto has since the accident is Gwen's wedding. Ianto isn't sure about going, because the only people he'll know will be Jack, the team, and the bride herself. Jack makes him go anyway, because "it's good to support your friends." Upon arrival, Ianto is stuck with Jack, because the team is chasing a shapeshifting alien who wants to eat Gwen and steal the baby that suddenly appeared in her last night. Typical Torchwood event. But the team needs help, so Ianto can't even stay with Jack, because the look of longing on Jack's face is too much to bear.

"Go," Ianto sighs.

"Are you sure?" Jack asks.

"They need you. Go help."

Jack waits for a second, then splits into a wide grin, dashing off after Owen and that singularity scalpel of his. Ianto doesn't see him again until after the Nostrovite thing is blown to smithereens with the big gun Ianto used to always have loaded in the back of the SUV before the Ianto and the SUV took the not-so-fun trip off-road. He didn't know that the gun had survived that. Somehow, that just makes him feel worse about everything. The team plus Jack return, un-pregnant, bloody, and all looking rather happy, especially Jack, who looks ecstatic. This is almost the straw to break the camel's back (a saying Ianto now finds morbidly hilarious in a twisted way), but it's not until the reception that everything comes to a head.

They sit at the designated table for Torchwood. Ianto is fiddling with a full glass of champagne that he knows he shouldn't drink, and Jack's chin is propped in his hand as he watches the swaying couples on the dance floor. Tosh and Owen are among them, and so is Gwen and Rhys. Every so often, Ianto sees Gwen cast a glance over to Jack, who looks like he wants to be out there, dancing with her. 

"Gwen wants to dance," Ianto says blandly.

"Hm?"

"Go dance with Gwen."

Jack tears his face from his hand and his eyes away from the dancers. "I'm fine staying here."

"No, you're not. Dance."

"The only person I want to dance with," Jack says, "is sitting right beside me."

Ianto bites his tongue to keep himself from saying something rash. "I can't dance."

"I know. And that's why I'm staying right here, with you." Jack gives him a cheesy smile, the one that's reserved for moments of admitted affection like this.

"You shouldn't have to wait here just because of me."

Jack looks affronted, as if that statement insulted him. "I don't _have_ to, I _want_ to."

"You want to dance. I can tell."

"What's with you and undermining all of my decisions?" Jack asks, folding his arms.

"What's with you and denying yourself everything for my sake?" Ianto parrots back.

"Hang on, who said a thing about denying myself?"

"I am! You do it all the time! You keep forgoing your own happiness just to make me feel like I'm actually worth a damn!"

Well, that's it, then. They're finally having this conversation.

Jack's eyes darken. "You are worth a damn, and I'm not forgoing my own happiness."

"Yes, you are!" Ianto seethes. "You quit Torchwood, you stay at home, you don't even bother to _dance_ when you clearly want to..."

"I am perfectly capable of telling what I want and don't want, Ianto! Why can't you see that?"

"Because this isn't you! You're Jack Harkness, you look for all things exciting, and this?" Ianto makes a sweeping gesture to his legs and chair. "This isn't exciting!"

"Damnit, Ianto!" Jack slams a hand on the table, causing a few people around them to jump. He leans forward in his seat, pointing a finger at Ianto. "You don't get to decide this! You don't get to decide anything about me!"

"Then start choosing decisions that make you hap-"

"I am!" Jack shouts.

People are staring now, but that doesn't stop Jack from his tirade.

"I'm choosing you! And even if I wasn't, do you know what it's been like for the past month? I can't even leave for five minutes out of fear that you're going to do something stupid!"

The accusation hangs over them. Jack wipes a hand over his face, visibly trying to calm himself. Ianto plays with the champagne flute's stem, anger burning into shame. 

"Look," Jack says after a long, tense pause. "I'll make a deal."

Jack breaks off, taking a deep breath. He turns and looks Ianto directly in the eye.

"You start making an effort to live again..." he says, "...and so will I."

Ianto can't maintain the eye contact, because the emotion hidden somewhere deep behind those blue eyes of Jack's is just too much to bear. He breaks it, gazing instead at the terribly waltzing couples. 

It's up to him, isn't it? This is his choice. He could either get angry again, and refuse, making himself sit in misery for eternity and forcing Jack to do the same. Or, he could finally accept that this is happening, that this is the way life is now, and start working towards learning to live again, and letting Jack move on, too. That means there's only one thing he can choose.

Ianto meets Jack's eyes again.

"Deal," he says quietly.

Jack inhale sharply, and exhales out relief. He takes Ianto's hand, leaning forward to kiss him gently.

"Thank you," Jack mumbles against his lips.

They break apart as Owen and Tosh join them. Tosh sits down right next to Ianto, peering curiously at the two of them, while Owen sprawls out on the chair next to Tosh, folding his arms and looking bored.

"You two done with your domestic?"

"Done?" Jack asks, grinning. "We haven't even _started_."

Ianto rolls his eyes. 

"Gwen's looking for you," Tosh informs Jack. 

Jack glances over to Ianto for a moment.

"A deal is a deal," Ianto says quietly.

"Yeah."

As he stands, Jack kisses Ianto's forehead, which causes Owen to pretend to gag and Tosh to fail at hiding her smile. Ianto watches Jack join the throng of slow dancers, effectively stealing Gwen from Rhys and starting up both a dance and a conversation. 

"I wouldn't drink that if I were you," Owen says, pointing at Ianto's flute. "Tosh and I dumped retcon in the champagne bottles." 

"Oh." 

"I can take that for you," Tosh offers.

She gives Owen a sidelong glance, and he gets up and follows her as she takes away Ianto's champagne. Ianto is left alone with uncomfortable thoughts about how life can transition from one phase to the next, until Jack returns and smiles at him. Now, that there is a metaphor for something, though what for he isn't sure of yet.

"I think Tosh and Owen are secretly..." He isn't sure what they're doing, actually. 

"Shagging?" Jack suggests. "Dating?"

Ianto shrugs.

Sure enough, after Rhys and Gwen have taken their leave for their honeymoon and Jack has helped Tosh and Owen situate the retconned guests, Jack and Ianto make their way to the car, and spot Tosh and Owen snogging like horny teens behind the chapel. Jack actually starts applauding them, and Ianto wishes he was never born. Though not in a depressing way- for once, it's just in an embarrassed way. 

At home, Jack instantly disappears, only to reappear holding a small tin box. He sits down at the dining room table and starts rifling through it. Curious, Ianto pulls up next to him and watches as Jack finds whatever he is looking for. Jack stares down at the paper in his hand for a moment, then hands it over to Ianto.

"You were married?" Ianto asks incredulously.

A faraway expression crosses Jack's face. "Yeah."

Ianto scrutinizes the photo, taking in every last detail. "She's beautiful."

"She was."

There is no need to ask what happened to her- Ianto already knows. She left him. It doesn't matter why or how. 

"You could've looked happier," Ianto says, passing the picture back. 

"Hey, nobody smiled in pictures back then!" 

Jack shows him more pictures, some of him and others, and some with just him alone. Ianto does not understand why at first, but when Ianto sees the picture of Estelle, he gets it. This is Jack, promising he _can_ do this life. He can, will, and wants to have some domesticity, even if he also needs to be the action hero he always is. They can go hand in hand in Jack's life. And maybe that's enough to keep Jack happy. Ianto just has to find a way to find that balance to keep happy, too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to reformat how i'll post sorry

Gwen is happy to have Jack back at Torchwood. She welcomes him with open arms, and tries to give him his job back. Jack doesn't want it. He learned that much in one of those long, boring "what makes you happiest?" talks with Ianto that they both hated, but needed to have. Jack learned he liked being a field agent better than being leader. It was more fun when he didn't have play with peoples lives. 

"You'll be second, though, won't you?" Gwen asks, a little anxiously.

That was what he'd hoped for- it would mean less head butting when it came to some tough decisions.

"Anything for you. _Ma'am_." He winks at her.

"God, I haven't even moved into your office." She looks over her shoulder at it. "I guess I always assumed... well, I don't know."

He pats her shoulder. "I understand."

"I probably should work on that," she says. "All your stuff is out of it already, anyway. Though I've got no clue what to do with that bunker of yours."

"Don't sleep down there."

"Oh, now that you know the comforts of a bed..."

"Exactly." He frowns. "I suppose you could always make the office bigger by sticking the secure archives down there."

Gwen gnaws on her lip. "Jack, about the archives..."

Suddenly, Jack doesn't want to be having this conversation. 

"Something has to be done," she says when he never replies.

"I know." He takes a deep breath. "Just, do me a favour, and tell him before you hire someone."

"Of course," she says gently. She blinks, seemingly having a revelation, and she claps her hands together. "I have a wonderful idea! Why don't we have dinner? Us, Ianto, and the team?"

"What?"

"A sort of welcome back to you," she continues excitedly. "And we could talk about hiring someone for the archives with Ianto. Rhys can make lasagna!"

"Gwen, while Ianto and I would love to..." That's a lie. Ianto would hate it. "...your flat isn't the most accessible of places."

Her eyes widen and she brings a hand to her mouth. "That's right! Stairs. I can't believe I forgot."

"I also don't know how you expect to entertain four guests in there. It's small."

Gwen looks so distraught that Jack foolishly ends up suggesting their house. Ianto is going to kill him.

"You _what_?" Ianto asks, appalled.

"It's just dinner," Jack says, pausing his stirring of the red sauce to plop a kiss on the top of Ianto's head.

Ianto wheels away grumbling something under his breath about idiots who don't consult others about inviting guests over.

Dinner is awkward. The times where the team talks about old Torchwood cases are fine, and Ianto seems happy to talk about those, but the times where new ones are mentioned, Ianto goes very quiet. Jack witnesses four separate conversations where Ianto withdraws into himself and absently stares at the people around him. Jack suddenly feels very badly about this dinner. It probably would have been better just to invite Gwen over for coffee and have a small chat. Or just tell Ianto himself.

"It's been over five months," Gwen says. "The archives are in complete chaos after this much neglect."

"Owen," Ianto mutter darkly.

"Oi! I'm not the only one mucking about down there!"

"It needs fixing," Gwen continues, ignoring them both. "I mean, I wish it was you, but..."

"Yeah," Ianto says, staring down at the wine he hasn't touched. 

Gwen and Tosh share a look Jack nearly misses. The two of them stay in the kitchen discussing something unknown to Jack while he moves into the sitting room along with Owen and Ianto. Neither of those two seem to have anything to say to one another until Ianto transfers over to the settee beside Jack, and his left leg starts spasming. Ianto instantly puts pressure on it to stop it, but Owen watches in intrigue.

"That happen often?" Owen asks.

Ianto glances warily at him. 

"I'm a doctor, mate," Owen says, holding his hands up placatingly, "I've only got medical intentions in mind."

"Sometimes," Ianto admits after a beat. 

"They get stiff and shake a bit when he lays down, too," Jack adds.

"Whenever I straighten my legs," Ianto corrects, glowering at Jack.

"Do you take anything for it?" Owen asks.

"No. It's mild. Mostly just happens in the mornings and evenings."

Sensing Ianto's unease, Jack winks at Owen. "We stretch instead."

"Okay, did not need that mental image," Owen says, and thankfully doesn't bring up the topic again.

Later, when Gwen and Tosh join them in the sitting room, Jack takes his leave to do the washing up. It shouldn't take him too long, so he doesn't feel bad for doing it with company there. Owen stops him from returning to everyone else.

"How is he?" Owen asks.

"Why do you care?" Jack asks, sincerely curious. 

"Like I said, I'm a doctor." Owen shifts on his feet. "Oh, all right, he's not half bad, either. I care about him. Don't tell him I said that."

Jack chuckles. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Seriously. How is he?"

"Better, but I think that's part of the problem." Jack sighs. "This is the same man who pushed his trauma down deep after Lisa. He moves on from it all too quickly and then it makes him miserable later."

Owen scowls. Jack expects him to say something derisive, but all Owen does is turn on his heel and walk back to the sitting room. Baffled, Jack follows, and finds Tosh and Gwen in a very earnest conversation with Ianto. They cut off abruptly when Jack and Owen join them, but Jack catches a secret glance between Gwen and Ianto. 

That night in bed, Jack asks, "What were you and Tosh and Gwen talking about?" 

Ianto shifts the covers around him. "Nothing important, really."

"Oh," Jack says. 

Jack can barely see it in the dark lighting, but it's undeniable. There's hope in Ianto's eyes. 

It takes weeks to find an archivist. By the end, there's only two suitable applicants, and Gwen ends up closing her eyes and picking one at random. The day Gwen finally hires the candidate, Jack goes home an purposefully says very little about it to Ianto. 

"It had to happen eventually," Jack says apologetically.

"I know." 

He doesn't look surprisingly torn up about it. Jack wonders about that all night, but eventually surrenders to sleep and thinks nothing more of it.

The next morning, he gets a call.


	5. Chapter 5

Ianto is stirred awake as Jack rolls off the bed and answers his mobile.

"Gwen?"

Ianto groans and steals Jack's pillow. If Jack's not going to use it, he will.

"Yeah. Okay. On my way."

A kiss lands on Ianto's head before Jack plods off to the bathroom. Ianto blinks himself fully awake and stares at the window. It's barely light outside. He lets out a sigh and closes his eyes again, but there's no chance he's sleeping again. 

"New archivist already in trouble?" Ianto asks when Jack returns.

"No. Aliens in a warehouse."

"Boring."

"You have a strange sense of 'boring.'"

"Go to work already," Ianto grumbles.

Jack leans over to kiss him again, then leaves. Ianto waits a bit longer, staring out into the pale, grey light, until he feels restless, and gets up to start his day. 

After a breakfast of mainly coffee, Ianto starts writing emails. One to Tosh, one to Gwen, and definitely not one to Owen. That last email Owen sent must've been when he was drunk, because it made no sense. 

Sometime around noon, he gets a call from Jack.

"Ianto," Jack says. Ianto notes a hint of panic. "You all right?"

Ianto shuts his laptop. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Lock the door, get to a secure room, stay there until I get back."

"What?"

"Just do as I ask!" Now he really sounds agitated.

"All right, all right! Can you tell me _why_ I'm doing this?" 

"Captain John Hart is back." Jack takes a deep breath. "And he's sworn to destroy everything I care about."

Ianto frowns. "Surely he can't..."

"Ianto, please," Jack pleads. " _Please._ Just keep yourself safe."

Jack hangs up before Ianto can get another word in.

"Bollocks to that," Ianto says, and goes to clean the house. 

When the kitchen is sparkling clean, Ianto sits himself in front of the telly to mindlessly watch whatever half baked show is on until Jack returns. 

He knows an explosion when it sends him clear off the settee, and this is a big one. Or perhaps dozens of medium ones. 

Landing on the floor, his breath is knocked out of his chest, his ears start ringing, and his legs shoot out straight. He gapes at the ceiling until his breath returns, then pulls his legs out of the spasm, waiting for the ringing in his ears to dissipate. When it does, he sits himself up and looks around. Lots of things have fallen down with him. Picture frames, a vase, books. His chair is tipped over, and he rights it before getting into it. 

As soon as he's sitting, his mobile starts to ring. He wheels himself back to the settee, mindful of the glass, and digs the mobile from between the cushions where it fell. He answers it without checking to see who it is. He already knows Torchwood had a hand in (or was the target of) these explosions.

"Jack?"

"No, it's me," a feminine, not Jack voice says.

"Rhiannon?"

"Are you all right? They're saying explosions down in Cardiff."

"Already?" he asks, puzzled. "They barely just happened."

"Well, there was the explosion at that warehouse this morning..."

Ianto hides a sharp inhale.

"...and now they're saying there's more, all over!" she finishes.

"I felt it," he says, readjusting one of his legs. 

"Are you sure? Only, you've been having such rotten luck, and I'm just... I just worry about you."

"I'm fine," he assures her.

Rhiannon chatters on some more, but Ianto doesn't listen. He needs to call Jack. He needs to see if everyone's still all right. 

"Look," he says, cutting Rhiannon off midsentence. "I've got to clean up some glass. I'll call you later, all right?"

He hangs up before she can say something else, feeling a slight sense of deja vu. He then calls Jack four times. Jack doesn't answer. That's worrisome, because Jack _always_ answers, even when it's unsafe for him to do so (Ianto has berated him plenty of times for this). He tries Gwen next, but only once- she can't afford to be distracted, as the leader and as a mortal. 

Eventually, he settles for finding a broom to sweep up the glass. That is why he is in the kitchen when he hears the knock on the door. He starts moving to get the door, thinking it's Jack, only to realize some things. One. Jack has a key. There would be no need to knock. Two. Even if Jack didn't have a key, he wouldn't knock like that. Three. That's not knocking, that's trying to take the door down.

He switches out looking for a broom for looking for one of the many guns hidden around the house (though Jack doesn't think he knows where they all are). Making sure that the gun is loaded and ready, he sets it on his lap and waits for the person, or creature, to break entry. The adrenaline rush that accompanies the waiting is refreshing, because he hasn't had one of these in over six months. 

The door bangs open, and he aims the gun at the kitchen entry. Captain John Hart pokes his head around the corner.

"Eye-candy! You really _are_ alive!" His eyebrows shoot up and his gaze rakes up and down Ianto. "Looks like someone had a bad day."

Ianto shoots him.


	6. Chapter 6

Jack rushes home in a blur, in part because he's terrified, and also because he's very close to going into shock, or something very similar. He tries in vain not to feel anything, but that's hard to do. His brother was a homicidal nightmare, now dead, and Ianto... there was explosions, there was Weevils out there, nobody's seen John Hart in over an hour, and not to mention that Gray had access to a vortex manipulator, and it could've taken him at any point in time.

Traffic is a nightmare, with roads blocked and abandoned cars strewn all across town, but this has never stopped Jack Harkness before, and he'll be damned if it stops him now. He pulls a lot of illegal moves, but nobody really cares about that at this point. Any coppers out and about were more concerned with their own fiasco down at the station, or keeping people from rioting, or other things more pressing than swerving onto the wrong side of the road. And even if they did stop him, Jack is not afraid to pull the Torchwood card.

The front door is wide open, he notices when he parks. He abandons the car and races up the ramp at brake neck speeds, reaching for his Webley and barging into his own house.

"Ianto!" he yells. " _Ianto_!"

"In here!"

He dashes to the living room, gun at the ready. He stops short at the sight before him.

Ianto is sitting in front of the telly, facing the settee, with a relatively bored look on his face and a gun resting almost politely on his lap. John Hart sits across from him on the settee, holding a white tee shirt to his shoulder, which is bleeding. They both look up at him, Hart with a panicked grin and Ianto with concern.

"Are you all right?" Ianto asks gently. Something in his eyes says he already knows. Hart probably told him.

Since the answer is no, and because he doesn't want to worry Ianto, he points his Webley at Hart. "What's he doing here?"

"He shot me!" Hart cries, nodding down to the bloody tee shirt.

"It was self defense," Ianto retorts.

"I didn't do anything!"

"You broke into my house."

Hart gives him a sour look.

"Why are you here?" Jack asks again, folding his arms and glaring down at the conman.

"I had my reasons."

"Get out," Jack snaps.

Eyeing him carefully, John Hart slowly gets to his feet, taking great care to not jostle his shoulder. He walks right up to Jack, standing close enough for Jack to feel his breath tickling his ear.

"I never told Gray about him. Figured it was safe to kip here. You owe me."

"Funny," Jack snarls quietly, "I thought we were even after you nearly killed every one on my team."

"But I also stayed and made sure nobody came to kill him," Hart says. "So, you owe me."

"You're alive. That should be enough."

Hart scoffs, brushing past Jack. He leaves without another word, and with a sinking feeling, Jack understands this won't be the last they see of him.

After the door closes behind Hart, Jack and Ianto each wait in silence for the other to speak. Jack isn't ready to say anything yet, so he holds out his hand, and Ianto gives him the gun. Ianto reaches out and brushes his fingers against Jack's coat, staring down at the dirt that rubs off onto his fingers. He looks back up at Jack, and Jack can feel his reserve crumbling.

"Are you hungry?" Ianto asks.

After two thousand years, yes, he's very hungry. But all he wants right now is to stop feeling so dirty, physically and metaphorically.

"I'm going to shower," Jack says thickly.

"All right," Ianto says.

Washing the dirt off him feels good, but it's mind-numbing and overwhelming. He can't focus on anything and finds himself going through the motions. Or he doesn't find himself doing it, actually. He finds himself realizing that he's already done it when he wasn't paying attention. One second he's scrubbing himself with soap, then he blinks and the water's pouring over him as he stands uselessly, then he blinks again and Ianto is setting food down at Jack's spot as Jack stands beside the table. 

"What are you doing?" Jack asks. His voice sounds empty.

"I made you some toast and eggs," Ianto says, kind and soft.

Jack frowns. He hadn't realized Ianto had been cooking.

"Just thought I'd help," Ianto says.

Suddenly, Jack can't take it all anymore, and falls to his knees, gasping for air as he sobs. Gray, his baby brother. Gray, his best friend. Gray, his everything. Gone. Forever. And the worst part of it being that the world is probably better off that way, because Gray was a menace to everyone and everything.

He lets himself sob until the dehydration gets the better of him. He's vaguely aware of Ianto's fingers combing his wet hair, massaging his scalp gently. Raw from the hot water, it burns a little. More penance. This is what he gets for mourning a killer.

"Gwen shot him," he says.

"I'm so sorry." Ianto sounds like it. Ianto is too good for him.

"He was going to kill Tosh."

The hand in his hair stops massaging and places itself on Jack's cheek. It then forces Jack to look up. Jack gazes into Ianto's eyes, which are filled with sorrow and love and all things Jack simply doesn't deserve. Ianto brushes his fingers down Jack's cheek.

"It's okay," Ianto says gently. "It's okay not to be okay."

"He was my brother," Jack says, voice catching again.

"I know."

Jack looks at him, really looks at him, and instantly he can't fathom anything in the world other than loving this man. It's heartbreaking and wonderful, and it hurts and feels so beautiful, all at the same time. He sits up on his knees, leans in, and kisses Ianto, gently and passionately, with all the love he can give. It's watery and smells like Ianto's soap and it's so absolutely perfect that Jack could cry again.

"Careful," Ianto mumbles into his lips when Jack tries to pull him further into the kiss.

Jack takes a moment to disengage from the deep loss he is feeling. It is a long used coping mechanism: pretend everything is okay and eventually it will be. He sinks back down onto his knees as Ianto adjusts in his seat.

"You know," Jack says, forcing a conversational tone, "Owen proposed."

Ianto stares at him for a moment. "Well. I hope you two will be very happy together."

"Not to me, idiot." He rolls his eyes. "To Tosh."

"They've only been together for a few months."

"I know," Jack says, "but when you think you're about to die in a nuclear plant, you don't really think about the future consequences of your actions."

"It's Owen and Tosh, so I suppose things will work out. Eventually."

"Eventually," Jack agrees.

Ianto gives him a softer smile, and Jack loves him even more because of it. 


	7. Chapter 7

The sun glares off the water tower from behind the clouds, and Ianto squints up at it. It is rather phallic, now that he has the time to stop and think about it. And since he's thinking about the water tower, he also wonders what it's like for the people walking around the invisible lift. Do they just have this innate urge to walk around the pavement square? Do they just walk around it without being consciously aware that there's somebody sitting here? Ianto wouldn't know- he had telepathic training at London (minor, of course, but enough to make him aware of perception filters), so he can always tell if someone's standing here. But the lady carrying the red handbag who steps around him can't, so it is rather amusing to watch.

There's a jolt, and the invisible lift starts to descend. Someone finally noticed he's sitting there, then. Took them long enough. He arrived ten minutes ago, and while it is interesting to speculate on the effects of perception filters on others, it certainly isn't the way he wants to spend his day.

As the invisible lift comes to a halt in the hub, he suddenly realizes that there's a much bigger step to the grating below than a normal curb. He turns his chair to back out of it, hoping to God that the drop isn't too big. He lets out an involuntary "Oof!" as the wheels hit the lower part of the concrete, then braces himself as he rolls back further. The casters hit the lower part, and sees a silhouette approach him from his peripherals.

"You're not supposed to be down here."

"Hello to you too," he says to Tosh, popping up into a wheelie and letting himself roll off the grating and onto the hub floor.

He puts his hands in his lap and looks around the hub. Six months since he's been here, and it hasn't changed a bit. Not even the "butler's pantry" looks different. He realizes ruefully that that's probably the only area accessible to him without assistance.

"Want a coffee?" he asks.

"God," Tosh says. "I've been craving your coffee for months. You wouldn't believe how awful it's been around here without it."

"Trust me, I can." He shudders as he thinks of Owen's dishwater like coffee.

"We're all jealous of Jack when he comes in with a thermos. I think Gwen's actually stolen his coffee once or twice."

It feels a bit like coming home, making the coffees. Like a bit of normal in his abnormal life. Odd to consider catching aliens as normal and everyday life as abnormal, but that's the way things work in Torchwood.

"I love you," Tosh says as he passes her mug to her.

"Yes, yes. I'm wonderful." He turns and neutrally studies her. "So. Owen."

"I know," she murmurs into her mug. "It's a bit soon. But..."

"You love him. He loves you. It'll be fine."

"Tosh!" Jack shouts from somewhere across the hub. "You making coffee?"

His loud, crashing footsteps resound about the open space, followed by a few lighter ones. Tosh immediately gives Ianto a "you're in for it now" look and steps aside, drinking her coffee. Ianto sets his own aside and readies Jack's cup for him. Jack appears, rounding the corner of the weapons storage into the pantry. His eyes go wide.

"Suit," he says, stopping in front of Ianto. Ianto can see his pupils dilating. "You're in a suit!"

Ianto hands him the coffee as Gwen and some man he doesn't know materialize behind Jack. Ianto hands Gwen her mug too, and Jack stops drinking his coffee to frown at him.

"Hang on, why are you in a suit?" He frowns. "Why are you here?"

"Knew you'd catch on eventually," Ianto says.

Jack stares at Ianto with an expression that is part turned-on and part enraged. If Ianto had a pound for every time he saw that look... well, suffice to say, Ianto's immune to it by now. He turns his attention to the new person, who is staring at him strangely.

"Oh!" Gwen says, finishing a draught of coffee. "Right! This is Samuel Mitchell. Sam, Ianto Jones."

"Hello," Ianto says politely. "Coffee?"

"No, thanks," Samuel Mitchell says in obvious distaste. He sounds like those posh snobs Ianto used to work with in London. "I prefer tea."

Ianto hates Samuel Mitchell already.

"Why are you here?" Jack asks again, loudly.

"I work here," Ianto says.

There is short stretch of complete silence. 

"No," Jack says. "No, you don't."

Ianto sets his coffee to the side and looks to Gwen. She takes another sip before turning to Jack.

"Actually," she says, sounding mightily guilty, "he does."

Jack stares at her for a moment, before his head starts to slowly shake. " _No_."

"Yes," says Ianto.

" _No!_ "

"Jack..." Gwen tries to say.

"He's not working here!" Jack shouts, pointing his finger angrily at Ianto. Ianto sits back, sighing. "It's not safe here! Do you remember yesterday? I sure do! And what about the stairs? That's not safe! That's not accessible! It's dangerous here, and I'm not having him work here!"

"Are you finished?" Ianto asks, cutting off whatever Jack tries to say next. 

Jack blinks at him. 

"Good," Ianto says. "Because I'm pretty sure I can take care of myself."

Jack opens his mouth to retort, but Ianto holds up a hand.

"No. I can," Ianto says. "I know that after yesterday you're upset, but honestly, I'll be fine. It's not the most dangerous place in the world, despite what you think. And if someone would take two seconds to help me with stairs, even those wouldn't be a problem."

"But..."

"And you don't get to make these decisions. Gwen does."

Jack turns a rotten glare to Gwen.

"I could argue with you on this," Jack warns her.

"You don't even know what he's doing," Gwen says. "Besides, he'll hardly be down here."

"What?"

"Someone needs to run the tourist office," Ianto says.

"You're not doing that," Jack says stubbornly.

"Well, not only, no."

Jack stares at him. "There's not more."

"We're starting cataloguing," Tosh says. "A whole database for everything. Ianto's going to be the one to set it up."

"That's just archiving!" Jack says, exasperated. 

"Not exactly, no," Tosh says. "It's just taking everything we have in the archives and uploading it to a programmed database I'm helping him build. We hope to back up the entire archives. Maybe even make them obsolete."

"Now, hang on a minute..." Sam begins.

"We'll obviously need an archivist in the mean time," Gwen assures Sam. "And you do have other jobs too."

Sam mumbles something to himself, shooting a dirty look at Ianto. 

"He can catalogue from home," Jack says. "There is no reason he needs to be here to do it."

Ianto rolls his eyes. " _He_ does need to be here. How else will I get the files?"

"I could bring them to you," Jack says defiantly.

Ianto sighs. "Look, Jack, this is happening."

Jack watches him closely for a minute. 

"I don't have a say, do I?" 

"No," Gwen says gently.

Rubbing his face with his hand, he turns to her. "Can I have a moment alone with Ianto? Please?"

Gwen nods, and begins to herd Sam and Tosh away. Tosh gives Ianto an encouraging smile as she goes, and Sam, who Ianto definitely hates, eyes Jack's arse before following Tosh. _Lovely_.

"When did you start planning this?" Jack asks quietly.

"The dinner."

He nods. "Thought so. You changed after that night."

"All I wanted was to come back," Ianto says. "Now I can."

"Please don't do this," Jack whispers. "I just don't want to lose someone else."

"I know. But it's already done," Ianto says. He picks up his mug and gives Jack a small smile. "Besides. You can have my coffee all day long, if you'd like."

Jack smiles tightly back. "Fine. But you always wait until someone can help you down those stairs, okay?"

"Fine." If being treated like a child is what gets him back into Torchwood, he'll do it.

"I smell coffee!" Owen yells from somewhere in the distance. Moments later, he bursts into the kitchenette and grabs his mug. "Finally, the good stuff."

"You're welcome," Ianto says. 

"Here, trade you these for them," Owen says, tossing a bag to Ianto.

Ianto catches the bag, and peers into it. Two pairs of gloves sit in there, one fingerless and one full fingered. 

"Jack told me you got blisters. I asked around. Hopefully those help." Owen raises his coffee mug. "Cheers. Welcome back."

Then he leaves a stunned Ianto with a still fuming Jack.

"Owen is being nice. Should I be worried?" Ianto asks Jack.

"Yes," Jack says sadly. "But not about Owen."


	8. Chapter 8

Rhiannon takes a drink from her coffee. It's burnt, Ianto suspects, but Rhiannon wouldn't be able to tell. He takes a sip of his own, and grimaces. Definitely burnt.

"Where's Jack?" Rhiannon asks. Of course that's the first thing she brings up.

"Work," Ianto says, taking in the rest of the café. He's not surprised the coffee here is burnt- it's quite dingy here.

"He can't be," she counters. "It's Saturday!"

"Well, he's... a workaholic." That isn't a complete lie. Sometimes Ianto is already asleep when Jack comes home, even though he was officially told to go home four hours before.

"So are you," she says, which is a fair point.

"I'm only allowed to work weekdays." From eight to five. Jack wouldn't let him do anything else.

"Oh. Then how'd you get here?"

Ianto tries not to sigh. "My car."

Rhiannon stares at him incredulously.

"Push pull controls," Ianto explains wearily.

"You really want to drive again, after..." She trails off.

How to explain his fear is less about driving, and more about being in another car chase?

"It certainly makes getting around easier," he says, taking another drink. He wishes this coffee wasn't burnt, but there's nothing he can do about that.

"So, did you get a new car, or what?"

"I told you, the crash was in the company car. I just had to modify my own car a bit."

Rhiannon puts on the face she wears whenever they talk about money, or expensive things. Ianto has a nice car, and she doesn't. He has a nice house, and she doesn't. She never complains about this, but she does find other ways to bring it up. Comments about his suit, or his job, or...

"What about that ATMOS thing?" Rhiannon asks.

"What?"

"Oh, it's just something Susan brought up. Like a fancy carbon remover thingy." She eyes him carefully over the rim of her mug.

...or any other material thing she can hold over him.

"Never heard of it," Ianto says.

Rhiannon shrugs. "Just figured you'd be the sort of person to have it, that's all."

Ianto keeps quiet. There's no point in arguing about this.

"How are the kids?" he asks after a short pause.

"Oh, they're fine. David's birthday's coming around in a bit." She throws him a pointed look, one that means he needs to remember that this year.

"He'll be ten, right?"

"Nine," she says, disapproval deep in her tone. "You could come see them, you know. It wouldn't hurt to be an uncle, for a change."

"I'm not the one who kept them away."

"Ianto, you were in a bad way. You were..." She shakes her head, frustrated and sad. "I didn't want my kids around you, and I didn't want you around my kids."

He frowns at his mug, at a loss for words.

"You look like you're doing better, though." She sounds hopeful. "You are, aren't you? Doing better?"

"I..." He looks down at his legs. "I suppose so. It's hard sometimes, you know?"

"Yeah."

Rhiannon's looks have stopped being pitying ones and more like kind ones. Empathy, instead of regret and sadness, and more like his sister of old.

"You know I love you, don't you?" she asks.

He nods, and she reaches across the small, sticky table to grasp his hand. Part of him wants her to hug him, like she used to when he'd come crying when Dad did something particularly awful. She pulls her hand back eventually, and he finds himself wanting to reach out and take it again.

"Jack's treating you all right, isn't he?" Rhiannon searches his face.

"He's fine," he says, trying to hide an awkward smile. "How's Johnny?"

"Oh, you know." She rolls her eyes. "He's Johnny."

It is easier to move on from that. They trade tales about their partners, Rhiannon with a bunch of drunken anecdotes and Ianto with a pack of complete lies. Lies are unavoidable when it comes to talking to normal people about Jack. He'll just have to remember to tell Jack that his father was an American pilot and his mother was a teacher from Glasgow, and he has a cousin in from England (Ianto knows about Alice, even if Jack won't tell him).

"That's him, isn't it," Rhiannon says as Ianto's mobile starts to ring.

"No," Ianto says stubbornly, even though it probably is.

He fishes the mobile from his pocket, and is pleasantly surprised to find that it's Gwen. Then slightly worried, because Gwen doesn't really call him.

"I have to take this," he tells Rhiannon.

She nods, and he answers.

"He's dead," Gwen says, even before he can start with a greeting.

Ianto almost hangs up right there, but he takes a deep breath. "He hasn't... done that in months. Other than with... you know."

"Do you have company?"

"Yeah."

He makes a gesture to suggest more coffee to Rhiannon, mostly because he wants her gone, not because he wants more. She seems to understand, getting up to get another cup of that disgusting brew.

"Oh." Gwen sniffles a bit into the phone. "He's um... he's coming back, but I'm sure he'd like to hear your voice."

"What was it this time?"

"Impaled. By a spear thing. Not sure what sort yet. It's alien. Jack probably knows. You'd probably know. Oh, hell." He can hear her take a few sobbing inhales. This must have been a particularly nasty one. "God, Ianto, he's..."

"Just don't think about it."

"Right. You were always good about this. I'm... I'm not. I just freak out. That's why I called you. I know he doesn't like waking up alone."

"I'm glad you called."

"Oh, he's waking."

The rustling over the phone makes him impatient. He can hear a muffled "Huh?" from Jack, probably not yet fully functioning as the phone is shoved at him. He's always hazy right after revival.

"Hey," Ianto says, trying not to let his stress break through to his tone.

"Ianto?"

"Yeah. How are you feeling?"

"Impaled." Jack's flippant nature is going to be the death of him one day. Again.

Rhiannon comes back with two more coffees. She sits down, looking interested in his conversation.

"Gwen thought you needed some... encouragement," Ianto says. He can explain his awkwardness later. Right now, he doesn't want to alert Rhiannon of anything suspicious.

"Did she?" Jack asks softly. "She was right."

"You're doing great." After a beat he adds, "Sir."

Jack laughs on the other end. "Oh, Ianto. What did I do to deserve you?"

"Nothing. You'd better start working towards that."

Jack laughs again, and it sounds to Ianto like he's done his job. Jack's back on track.

"I'll call you later, yeah?" Ianto says.

"Yeah."

"Go save the world."

Ianto ends the call and finds his eyes drifting up to Rhiannon's expectant gaze.

"Um," he says.

"Was that Jack?" It isn't a question. She already knows it was.

"Minor accident at work. He'll be all right in a bit."

"What kind of civil servant are you?" she asks inquisitively. "Everyone's getting injured!"

"He'll be fine."

She purses her lips. "Are you sure you want to go back there? After everything?"

"I do." After a few weeks of being back, it feels like he finally is whole again. 

"Just... be careful, okay?"

"I will." He sighs. "I have to go."

"Right. You go check on your man."

Ianto grimaces. "Don't call him that."

"What am I supposed to call him? Your boyfriend? Your partner?"

"Jack works just fine."

Rhiannon raises an eyebrow, and they drink their coffees in silence. They finish them, and Ianto prepares to leave. He pulls on the gloves from Owen, because he's still trying to get used to them, even in short trips outside to the car park.

"Those are fancy," Rhiannon remarks. "Bit James Bond."

Ianto frowns. "If anything, it's Mission Impossible."

"Right," she says, obviously not caring. "You and your spies."

"Me and my spies," Ianto repeats, unlocking the breaks on his chair with a snap.

She regards him thoughtfully. "You always seemed like the spy type."

He tries not to think about how accurate that might actually be.

When Jack comes home, he goes directly to bed. Ianto follows him, parking his chair on Jack's side of the bed and observing him. Jack stares up at the ceiling.

"Hey," Ianto says.

Jack rolls over onto his side and sighs. Ianto reaches out to take his hand. 

"Rough day?" Ianto asks as kindly as possible. 

"There's nothing," Jack says, his voice raw and face unguarded. "There's always nothing on the other side."

"I know."

"No, you don't." Jack stares at him. "You don't, and you never should have to."

"Jack..." They have had this conversation plenty of times in the past few weeks. 

"Please don't make me lose you," Jack begs.

Ianto leans forward and presses his forehead to Jack's. "You know how this ends. Don't make me promise anything to you. It will only end badly."

"Come to bed," Jack says after a short pause. 

"All right."


	9. Chapter 9

"Whoa, whoa, careful," Jack says. He hasn't witnessed the dangers of wheelchairs and snow firsthand (and he _really_ doesn't want to), but he has read about them.

Ianto scowls at him, transferring his legs from the car to the chair."I _am_. Besides, I'm not going to skid anyway. This isn't even snow."

"What?"

"If it's snowing on Christmas," Ianto says, unlocking his breaks, "it's never snow. Learned that in London."

"What is it, then?" Jack asks, intrigued.

"Spaceship ashes."

Jack takes a moment to process that. "You're joking."

"No. I'm not. It's your friend the Doctor, blowing up ships. Thought you'd know that."

Peering up at the sky, he looks for a bright blue box. He snorts to himself. As if the Doctor would just happen to swing by like that. Then he wonders what sort of space ship this used to be, and if it is dangerous to inhale it, like that kid across the street is doing. 

"Still," Jack says, turning back to Ianto. "It could be slippery."

Ianto rolls forward a little to test it. "Nope. Stop nagging."

"I'm allowed to be worried."

"You worry too much."

"I do not."

Ianto scoffs and starts wheeling towards the building. Jack waits back a little longer, taking another forlorn look up at the sky. Is the Doctor really up there? Does it matter? He shakes his head to himself. What he needs is already with him, down here on Earth, knocking on the door of Owen and Toshiko's flat. Jack watches as Tosh opens the door, ushering him in with jovial holiday greetings, as if she didn't just see him yesterday. 

"Coming?" Ianto calls back to Jack before he enters the flat.

"Yeah." 

It is very cozy in there. Jack hadn't visited Tosh's new apartment before now, but he likes the way it looks, and he's quite glad Owen moved in with her, not the other way around. Owen's was definitely a bachelor pad, and there's a nice touch to this place. The open layout is interesting, as is the total starkness of the place.

"You sure this is a no gift party?" Jack asks. He has presents in the boot of the car, just in case. If they're not gifted now, there's always birthdays.

"We're sure!" Gwen yells from somewhere else.

"It's for the best," Tosh says. "Who knows what Owen would do?"

"I heard that."

"I see you got a gift," Jack says, picking up Tosh's hand. "Finally put a ring on it, then?"

"I wanted something small," Tosh says as she admires it with him. "Something that wouldn't get in the way when I'm elbow deep in alien tech."

"It's lovely," Ianto says.

Tosh looks between Jack and Ianto. "Are the two of you ever going to..."

They stare at her.

"Um," Ianto says.

"Do you have a bathroom?" Jack asks.

Tosh blinks at him. "Yes..."

"Great." 

Jack moves past her and towards the bathroom. He stands in it for a few minutes, gaping at his reflection the entire time. When he has decided the topic of conversation has moved beyond weddings, he walks out.

Gwen is chatting amicably away with Owen and Ianto about some thing or another at her flat. Owen looks bored and Ianto is trying to appear interested. Tosh is talking to Sam about work, while Rhys stands awkwardly behind them and attempts to track their conversation. Jack walks up behind Ianto and places his hands on Ianto's shoulders. Ianto tilts his head back to look up at him, and Jack is tempted to lean down and kiss him, just as he always is when Ianto makes that face. Confused but pleased is a good look on Ianto.

"Did you hear about that ship that nearly crashed?" Jack hears Rhys say eventually. "Could've taken out London. What is it with aliens and Christmas?"

"Jesus had to be born somehow," Ianto deadpans. 

Rhys gawks at him. "Baby Jesus was an alien?"

To a normal person, it would look like a straight expression on Ianto's face, but to a trained eye like Jack's, Ianto is clearly barely containing his laughter. 

"I did get pregnant rather fast," Gwen says faintly, looking alarmed.

"Baby Jesus wasn't an alien," Sam dismisses. 

There is no hiding the distasteful look on Ianto's face from anyone. Jack pats his shoulders gently. 

"No murdering Sam," Jack whispers in his ear. "It's Christmas."

Ianto heaves a sigh.

The party gradually makes its way to the sitting room, where Gwen and Rhys curl up on the settee next to Owen and Tosh. Sam takes the chair closest to the wall, and Ianto parks his wheelchair next to Jack's. As the conversation evolves from alien invasions to normal Christmas topics, Jack finds himself trying to take off Ianto's glove so that he can hold his hand. He stops mid tug as he realizes this, and looks up at Ianto's face. Ianto is paying him no attention, as if it were normal for Jack to just get frustrated enough to take off his gloves so as to hold his hand. As if it were normal for them to hold hands in public in the first place. When he realizes Jack is staring at him, Ianto throws him a "what?" look, and Jack can only shake his head as a "nothing" in response. 

Talk turns from Christmas to relationships as Tosh and Gwen start to dominate the conversation. Gwen talks about Rhys as if Rhys isn't there (much to Rhys's chagrin) and Tosh talks about weddings in general. They're going to have a small, quick wedding, and very soon too, so that it can be done with before Tosh's five year contract is up. Tosh says she figures it's best to just show up already married rather than deal with getting disapproving relatives to a wedding. Rhys manages to barge into discussion long enough to make an offhand comment about babies, and Gwen visibly pales. Apparently, this is a topic well avoided in the Williams household. 

Sam says something along the lines of "It's always better to be the bachelor," and Jack and Owen both find themselves internally belittling him, snorting quietly to themselves. They stare at each other for a second in a bizarre moment of "who have we become?" until they both shrug and move on. Change is always for the better when its for someone like Tosh or Ianto, Jack supposes. He thinks back to Tosh's earlier cut off question and ends up focusing on it most of the evening. Then he ultimately decides they aren't the people for that. However, there is something else they could be. It has to do with different comment and an object locked in the furthest corners of the secure archives.

As they return to their car, Jack takes another moment to look up at the night sky. Yeah, he's sure. All he wanted, all he wants, is right here, complaining about the cold and looking charming with pink tinged cheeks. Jack kicks the spaceship dust and unlocks the car so that Ianto can warm up.


	10. Chapter 10

"Ianto?"

Ianto taps at the comms on the desk. "Yes?"

"Systems are going down," Tosh says. "Routine check in. Save any work you have."

"Right."

He flips his physical file closed and saves his electronic one.

"Done," he says.

There is no reply. There never is. Nobody ever stays on the channel to talk. It's very lonely up here in the tourist office. Back when he was the archivist, he could talk to anyone any time he liked and get enough peace and quiet during the day. Now it's just too quiet all of the time, except for the few moments Jack appears or Sam brings him more files. The moments with Jack don't last long enough and the moments with Sam stretch on forever and never end.

Speaking of, the secret panel door swings open to reveal the bastard himself.

"I'll need those files," Sam says in a bored voice. Sam hates Ianto as much as Ianto hates Sam.

"I'm not finished with them."

"Tosh says it'll take the rest of the day." Sam scoffs. "Well, at least the rest of the day that you're here."

Ianto makes an effort to keep a neutral face. Just because he only works set hours, does not mean he works less than the rest of the team.

"I can take the files..."

"No, you can't." Sam rolls his eyes. "Stay up here, where it's _safe_."

Ianto has worked for Torchwood for over five years. Ianto has done more than Sam ever will. Ianto has seen horrors Sam couldn't even dream in his worst nightmares. Those thoughts, while incredibly disturbing and slightly depressing, are what keep him from punching Sam in the gut. He slowly piles his latest stack of files together and hands them to the other man. Sam snatches them from his grasp and saunters out of the office.

Since he has nothing better to do, he cleans what he can of the office. It takes him less than twenty minutes. Then he just sits there, doing nothing, waiting for something to happen. Eventually he rests his head on the desk and just waits.

"Ianto?"

Ianto jolts awake. When did he fall asleep?

"You all right?" Jack asks.

Sitting back, Ianto presses his palms to his eyes. Now he feels groggy and awful. 

"Fine," Ianto says when he composes himself. "What time is it?"

"Seven."

"You let me stay?" Ianto asks, incredulous.

"Didn't want to wake you," Jack says. "It's a slow night. Everyone's gone home hours ago."

"Even Tosh?"

"You're not finishing that file," Jack says, already guessing what is on Ianto's mind. 

"Damn it," Ianto mumbles. 

Jack watches over his shoulder as he shuts off the office computer with a long sigh.

"Your sister emailed you," Jack points out.

"I'm not reading about how Tina's sister got on another diet programme," Ianto says. "I don't bloody care if it works this time."

Jack chuckles. "She's just trying to keep you in the loop."

"She didn't try to keep me in the loop until I became what she thinks is her stereotypical gay, paralyzed brother."

"That's hardly fair. You never let her before," Jack says. "She doesn't see you any differently now. Nobody does."

Ianto gathers his things quietly.

"You know that, right?" Jack says as Ianto shoves papers into his bag. 

"I know."

Jack's fingers brush over Ianto's hair. "Good." 

"You just all have the penchant for treating me like something fragile."

"No," Jack says defensively.

"Yes. Why else would I be working up here?"

"Stairs."

Ianto rolls his eyes. 

"Look, it's not like we can just let you take on arcateenians and blowfish again," Jack says. "God only knows what a weevil would..."

"I get it," Ianto snaps. He takes a deep breath. "It's just... frustrating. Sitting up here, alone, with only one thing to do."

Jack does not respond, but he does kiss Ianto's forehead lightly. He starts leaving the tourist office, and Ianto starts to follow with a resigned sigh. All he wants is a less boring job.


	11. Chapter 11

He brings a bag of Chinese takeout home with him. Jack has learned in the past months that if he comes home later than eight thirty, and he has not made food or has not brought food with him, Ianto will have not have eaten that night. Ianto's diet is rather irritating. He either lives on convenient food, like pizza or takeaway, or he just plain forgets that he needs to eat at all, which is odd, considering he used to handle the feeding of Torchwood employees. Jack assumes Ianto forgets to include his own needs in things. Needless to say, Jack gets to make all the decisions when it comes to food at home. They'd starve otherwise. 

Kicking the door shut, he calls, "Honey, I'm home!"

Normally there would be a response of "If you say that again, I'll castrate you!" or "Go away!" or something witty, but tonight there is suspiciously nothing.

He pulls off his boots and sets them on the mat, throwing his coat at the hanger. He is pleased with himself when it lands on the hook. 

"Ianto?" he calls.

Somewhat worried when Ianto doesn't respond again, Jack walks through to the kitchen. There he finds Ianto sitting on a chair in the dining room, his wheelchair dismantled beside him. Jack panics for a second before noting the tire pump and the tire on the table. Ianto is fiddling with both for a moment, not bothering to look up at Jack. Jack clears his throat. Ianto's eyes barely flick up to Jack's face before instantly returning to the tire.

"I brought dinner," Jack says. He drops the bag on the table.

Ianto puts the tire pump away instead of answering, then brings the tire down to the rest of the wheelchair. He pops it back on, rights the chair, then wheels it back and forth to test it for a second. Then he starts to transfer back into it.

"I have food," Jack reminds him.

Ianto silently pulls the tire pump off the table and stows it on his lap, rolling away without a word. Jack frowns, watching him go. Then Ianto returns and goes to the kitchen sink-he pulls up beside it and leaning over the edge so he can was his hands. Jack starts pulling out the boxes then and setting them out. Ianto comes back to the table. He doesn't transfer into one of the dining chairs again, merely pushing himself up to the ledge and parking himself there. He takes his box and chopsticks and starts eating, still completely wordless. 

Jack doesn't know what this mood is for, but there's a reason. There's always a reason for those moods with Ianto. Jack figures that, like always, the reason will be made clear when Ianto wants it to, so he quietly picks up his own takeout and begins tucking away at it. They eat in silence. Jack can't tell if it's comfortable silence or not, but silence it is indeed.

They watch some boring reality show after dinner, but Ianto doesn't actually watch. His eyes flicker back and forth between his chair, set next to the settee, and the telly, though his eyes seem glossed over and unfocused and it doesn't even seem like he's tracking the progression of the show, just staring at the screen. 

"You all right?" Jack asks when Ianto reaches for the remote and turns the show off. 

"Fine," Ianto says. But it's a little too blunt to be true.

He leaves to take a shower then. Jack sits on the settee the entire time, mind wandering. He doesn't know what to do right now. When Ianto leaves the bathroom, he takes over, showering and brushing his teeth and staring for a long time in the mirror to figure out what's gone wrong tonight. 

Ianto is laying out on top of the bedsheets in their room, doing his stretches, as Jack comes looking for a pair of boxers. Jack quickly slips on the underwear and then goes to help. On the nights Ianto is tired, he often lets Jack help him stretch his legs. Tonight is one of those nights, Jack can tell even before he steps in to help. Though Ianto never lets Jack help completely, not even when Jack offers. So the fact that he allows it tonight is staggering, and it makes Jack worry even more that something is wrong.

Jack bends Ianto's legs for him, keeping both an eye on the leg he's stretching and an eye on Ianto's face. Ianto's eyes are closed and his face is tensed. Jack almost feels panicked now. What's wrong? He still can't figure it out. 

He finishes off the last stretch and sets Ianto's leg down, then helps move the covers out from under Ianto's body. Ianto doesn't allow Jack to tuck him in- not surprising. Ianto isn't one for being tucked in. Jack discovered that very early on in Ianto's stay at the hospital.

Just like he does every time he thinks about Ianto in the hospital, Jack allows himself a moment of fear and sadness, then pushes it down. 

At least he knows why today has been so hard for Ianto, he figures as he gets into bed beside the young man.

"How are you, Ianto?" Jack whispers, rolling over next to him.

Ianto just shakes his head. Jack kisses his cheek.

"One whole year," Jack says.

Ianto nods.

"I'm-"

"Don't say you're sorry," Ianto snaps quietly.

"I wasn't going to," Jack replies, completely honest.

Ianto sighs. "I know. I'm just-"

Jack kisses his cheek again. 

"I'm so glad you're here," Jack finishes.

A tear slides down Ianto's cheek, and Jack kisses that away, too. Today might be sad for Ianto, sad for the life he lost, but today is one of great joy for Jack, joy for the life he now has. Jack will always regret what the world did to Ianto, but never that he got this chance with him.


	12. Chapter 12

Ianto gets off the phone with the mayor and sighs, long and hard.

"I'm not even _in_ the office yet," he grumbles to himself. 

All day long, he has been stuck inside, trying to prepare to leave. But every time he rolls an inch closer to the door, something else demands his attention. Jack calling for immediate surveillance of something on the CCTV (everyone else was out of the Hub), Gwen calling to check in to see if he's coming in today (he absolutely still is), Owen calling because he doesn't know how to find a (rather easily located) medical file on mainframe, and now the mayor of Cardiff calling to demand to speak to Jack (who is still busy running around Cardiff). 

"Now," he says, _"now_ , I am finally going to go. I will not take any more phonecalls. Not one single phonecall."

Ianto sets his bag on his lap and double-checks its contents, then closes it up and rolls towards the door. He gets into his car and drives out of the driveway before his phone starts ringing. 

"Nope," he tells both himself and the phone. "I'm not picking it up. Especially not now."

The way in is filled with people being rather annoying in their cars, something Ianto has learned to despise. People should be more cautious in their cars, or else they'll end up feeling nothing midriff on down. Though perhaps if everyone had a wheelchair, everything would suddenly become accessible. Ianto thinks about that for a while. Ridiculous daydreaming, he knows, but it's still entertaining. And a pleasant thought.

"Why is it so foggy?" he muses out loud as he reaches his usual spot. 

He frowns and parks, squinting out of the window.

Outside, wisps of clouds swirl around. Not fog, then. Pollution of some kind? Gas? He squints harder. Definitely gas of some kind. And it looks like... yes, it definitely looks like it's wafting off of other people's cars. 

Ianto reaches out for his bag and fumbles a hand through it, not taking his eyes off the scene outside. He rings Jack immediately.

"Ianto?" Jack asks, sounding frantic.

"Jack," Ianto says. "I'm seeing some gas-"

"Where are you?" Jack cuts over him.

"I'm in my car," Ianto says. "I've just gotten in to work."

"Oh God."

"Jack? What is it?"

"Are you stuck in your car?" Jack demands.

Ianto pops open the door a crack. 

"No," he says, feeling confused. "Why would I be?"

"Ianto, everyone's getting stuck in their cars. And a poisonous gas is being pumped out at them. We're getting reports from all over Cardiff-"

Someone, likely Tosh, speaks in the background, cutting over Jack.

"-from all over the _world_ ," Jack corrects. "Get out as fast as you can."

Ianto feels like maybe, just maybe, he should be more afraid of cars than he is. But he isn't, and he would like to stay in his car right about now.

"It's starting to pollute the air, too," he says. 

"Shit," Jack swears. "Okay. Stay in there. Lock the doors and keep your windows shut."

"Am I just supposed to wait here until this is all over then?" 

"Someone will come and get you," Jack says. "Just sit tight."

"Good thing I've become very good at sitting over the past year."

Ianto can almost hear Jack rolling his eyes over the phone. 

"We'll be right there," Jack promises. "And hopefully we'll have some answers by then."

He hangs up and Ianto glances over to the passenger seat where his wheelchair lies, waiting to be assembled again so he can get into work. Assembly isn't a speedy process... likely the gas will have spread to him by the time he has set it up. Plus the trek to the tourist office isn't a quick one. His best chances really are to sit here and wait. 

Ianto sighs.

"Great," he says. "Now I'll never finish up those files I started last night."

He just starts to think to himself what better use his imprisonment in his own car could be spent doing, when he notices something about a car a little bit away. A hand keeps tapping on the window. No not tapping. Trying to break the window open.

"Shit," Ianto says.

He shoves open the car door again and, with as much haste as he can, reassembles his chair and then transfers into it. He wastes precious minutes doing it- any other person could have done this in seconds, he refuses to think to himself. But when he's out, he rushes to the other car, a handy crowbar resting in his lap. 

"Hold on!" he shouts at the car's occupant. "I'll get you out!"

The air had been thick and hard to take in from the moment Ianto had gotten out of the car, but as he tried prying the door open, it just kept getting harder to breathe. His lungs clench in his chest, fighting the air he takes in. His movements are much more sluggish than they usually are.

"Hold... on..." he grinds out through his teeth again as he keeps trying to get the door open.

Eventually, he has a grand moment of epiphany, and he gives up on opening the door and moves to smashing the windows.

As a reward for his ingenuity, he gets a face full of gas.

"Fuck," he manages to say. It gets really hard to say this next bit, but he asks, "Are you... are... you all... all right?"

He receives no response, so he pulls himself closer to the still-smoking car and puts his face in. The smoke is too thick to see anything, and Ianto pushes himself out, coughing.

The world spins around him, feeling muggy and heavy. He can't breathe quite right- he isn't pulling enough oxygen into his lungs. Nothing feels right.

Ianto barely feels himself falling sideways, tipping out of his chair onto the pavement. He passes out before the experience can even register to him.

Blankness consumes him.

When he does break from the blankness, when he wakes up, he finds himself somewhere unfamiliar and yet... completely familiar. This isn't his bed or his bedroom, but he recognizes the feel of this bed and the way the ceiling looks... His brain feels too heavy to figure it out, so he just stares upwards for a while, unable to comprehend much else other than the blank white ceiling tiles.

His chest aches. That isn't much fun.

"Ianto?"

Ianto turns his head, very slightly, to the sound of Jack's voice. Jack's head immediately looms into view, covering up the ceiling.

"Oh Ianto," Jack says, his voice seeming to break with relief.

"What's going on?" Ianto asks. It comes out choked and wrong, and he wishes he hadn't spoken at all. It hurts.

"How do you feel?" Jack sits down on the bed beside him.

Oh.

Shit.

Ianto knows exactly where he is now.

"Why am I here?" he demands. "Why am I-"

"Relax," Jack says quickly, putting his hand on Ianto's hair. "Ianto, relax."

The panic doesn't want Ianto to relax. "I _can't_ be in the hospital again!"

"Ianto, listen." Jack's tone is sharper now. "You need to relax."

Due to shock at the severity of Jack's words more than anything, Ianto gets himself to relax. Just a tiny bit.

"Do you remember the gas?" Jack asks.

"I was... trying to save someone..." Ianto turns to check, to see if whoever it was is all right, even though he knows it's pointless. He's in a private room and it's unlikely he would've been with that person even if he wasn't anyway. "Are they okay?"

Jack's hand plays with his hair, and he looks back up at Jack to see the answer in Jack's eyes.

"Oh," he whispers.

And in his mind, a thousand faults arise. If he'd been faster, if he'd only hit the windows in the first place, if he'd have called for help...

"There was nothing you could've done," Jack tells him, firmly and yet gently. "I swear."

Ianto doesn't believe him, and another flash in Jack's eyes says he knows.

"You're lucky to be alive yourself," Jack says.

Ianto can only feel guilty again. He almost died trying to save a person he couldn't even save then. How heroic. How important. 

"I was so scared I'd lose you," Jack whispers, only driving it home harder in Ianto's brain.

Both of Jack's hands gently slip over Ianto's cheeks, thumbs brushing up and down. He kisses Ianto's forehead, and then his nose, and then his cheekbones, and then finally just a brush of a kiss over Ianto's lips. 

"I'm so glad you're okay," he murmurs.

Jack takes his time after that, just holding Ianto's face and intermittently kissing Ianto's forehead or nose or anything. Ianto allows it. However long he was out must've been hard for Jack. This is the second time that he's woken up like this now, and the second time Jack has had to sit through this.

When Ianto feels Jack has had enough time to reassure himself that Ianto is completely and fully alive, he tries to fish answers out of Jack. Jack explains what happened, both to Ianto and the entire world. 

Evidently, Martha Jones had a hand in the world bit. Saving it, not... filling it with gas. That was the work of a race called the sontarans- they wanted to terraform this place for a clone breeding ground. They'd gifted the ATMOS navigation system to the world via its ingenious and bratty creator (someone with the last name "Rat-something") and it had poisoned everyone. Ianto would've been safe in his car, had he stayed there, because Ianto had never gotten one of those. 

And Ianto himself has been in the hospital since yesterday, though he only just started breathing on his own again a few hours ago. He gets to spend the next couple days here, though, making sure he won't die on the spot. Ianto protests to this immediately.

"Surely they know I won't fall over dead," Ianto says. "I'm breathing on my own- I'm fine."

"You're breathing on your own with _help_ ," Jack counters. He taps the oxygen tube under Ianto's nose. "You'd be in danger without this. You're not fine."

Ianto wants to sigh, but that would mean his chest hurts and he would be struggling for the inhale for a few seconds, only proving Jacks point. So instead he pouts internally, wishing everything would go away. 

He _hates_ hospitals. He really didn't think he'd ever be subjected to a bedbath ever again, and yet here he is. Jack tells him multiple times that it's fine, he won't be here for much longer, and it's not as bad as it seems. But Ianto knows Jack feels just as horrible here as he does. They went through this hell together, though they faced different sides of it. Jack despises waiting and watching and only living on hope. Ianto loathes the helplessness and the lack of personal boundaries and the existential dread. They both agree on hating the food, though. Even Jack, who will eat almost anything and everything, can't palate it.

At the end of his third stay, Ianto is allowed to go home. They bring out a hospital wheelchair, one of those god awful things that are horrid to push around, and Ianto stares at it for the longest time before someone asks if he needs help transferring into it. In the end he _does_ need help, because he's still too weak to do much, but he's more appalled by the chair than anything and that was the point. 

"Where's my chair?" Ianto asks as Jack pushes him to the car.

"Doesn't have handles," Jack says. "You're not allowed to be up and working yet. You have another day of bedrest. And Tosh is looking at it."

"Why?" 

"Because she wants to see if she can add anything to it."

"Not without my permission," Ianto snaps, though he knows if Tosh did add something to it, it would be extremely useful and he'd like it.

"She's just looking right now," Jack assures him. "She wouldn't do anything you didn't ask for."

Well, she _would_. But she'd squirrel it away until Ianto mentions something similar and then pull it out and say "actually, I've made something-" and then it would seem like she had made it out of consideration for him instead of excitement to just make something she wanted to make. Really nobody minds that she makes things she wants to make, but it does seem a bit politer when she gives it to them like that, and she likes being polite. 

When they get home, Ianto gets rolled straight to bed. 

"Let me take care of you," Jack insists when Ianto protests. "Please."

Ianto doesn't want anyone to take care of him. He wants to get up and do his own things. But he's still on bedrest, and if it makes Jack feel just a bit better about almost having lost him...

Jack kisses his forehead and Ianto lets Jack help him into bed. He brings Ianto some food and water and sits beside him as he eats, sometimes stealing some of Ianto's grapes.

"I'll be okay," Ianto promises when he notes how worried Jack still is. "I swear."

"You're not supposed to be doing dangerous things," Jack says quietly.

"Torchwood is dangerous," Ianto says. "It comes with the job."

Jack opens his mouth but Ianto shakes his head before he can say anything. 

"I'm not finding another job," Ianto says. 

Jack stares at him and then nods, and drops the subject all together.

They eat their grapes in peace after that, living on the moments they have together where neither of them are in danger. 


	13. Chapter 13

Jack does not like birthday parties, but he is forced to sit through this one. Ianto had said that under no condition was he going to this one alone. Jack can maybe understand why- it's easier for Ianto to be around Rhiannon now, but Johnny and the kids have grown even father apart from him than they were before the accident. Leaving Ianto at a party with only one person to talk to while that one person is the host is absolutely a horrible idea. 

So, Jack goes to this party and pretends he will enjoy it.

Ianto is not pretending he will enjoy it in the slightest.

"We don't even know half of these people," he complains. "I've never met Mica's friend's parents."

"Are there no other relatives that will be showing up?" Jack asks.

"Well," Ianto says, and then grows uncomfortable. "There's... my cousin Tom. And his wife Bryn. They have a son Mica's age."

"Oh," Jack says.

"Yep."

He looks out of his window then, studying the scenery. Jack is once again reminded how little Ianto likes his family. Rhiannon may have worked her way back into Ianto's graces, but nobody else had. Jack wonders how Ianto would feel about his mother or father right now if they were still alive. 

Ianto has avoided disassembling his wheelchair when he doesn't have to since the sontaran incident a month ago. Jack doesn't blame him, though he does with Ianto would learn that it wasn't Ianto's fault the person had died. Still, when Ianto wasn't driving himself and thus didn't have to take the wheels off to store it, it remained intact and sat in the back seats that way. So Jack has to go fetch it so Ianto could get out of the car when they arrive. Some other family arrives just as they do, and the mother, father and the little girl stare as Jack wheels the chair to Ianto's door and Ianto opens it to transfer.

So it's going to be like _that_ today, is it? Jack already has a few strong words saved up for anyone who would give Ianto a wrong look while Ianto's back was turned. When Ianto's back wasn't turned, Ianto could give them his own steely glare until they looked away.

Jack has to help a bit to get Ianto inside the building, because the house has two steps up. Everybody stares then. Ianto gives a polite cough and stares back at them. Jack almost feels a bit sorry for the adults who turn away in shame. The kids, though, eye Ianto with interest for a while longer as they try to find somewhere to situate themselves in the cramped house. 

"We shouldn't have come," Ianto hisses to Jack.

"Don't be like that," Jack chides. "Of course we should have. You want to get close to them again, don't you?"

"Not like this! Not when the entire world gets to stare at me and I can't even ask Owen to flip them off for me."

"Ianto-"

"Oh!" Rhiannon has spotted them now and joined them. "You came!"

"We said we would," Ianto says, a bit more surly than necessary.

Rhiannon does not seem off put by this. "Is that the gift?"

"Yes," Ianto says. He picks the wrapped box up from his lap and hands it to her. "Thanks for the list."

"You'd have been lost without it," Rhiannon jokes.

Jack hides his smile, knowing exactly how true that is. 

"I'll come round in a bit for a chat, all right?" Rhiannon says, then waves and leaves. 

Jack and Ianto exchange a look that is vexed on Ianto's part and exasperated on Jack's part.

"We're not leaving," Jack said.

Ianto sighs.

"Oh shit," he says almost immediately after. 

"What is it?" Jack asks.

Ianto gestures discreetly to the couple that just came through. Jack studies the pair and their child. They seem to be one of those families that aren't well off, but well off enough that they become snobbish and look down their nose at anyone lower on the social food chain than them. Even the son looked spoiled. 

"That's Tom," Ianto whispers.

"Oh," Jack says, struggling for something nice to say. "He looks... like..."

"An asshole," Ianto says. "He looks like an asshole, okay?"

Jack does not disagree. 

The moment Tom catches sight of Ianto, Jack wants to cross the room and punch him square in the nose. The initial reaction of "oh it's Ianto" plays out first on the other man's face, and then "oh... it's _Ianto_?" next, and then a final "oh... Ianto..." And then he just looks far too smug after that last part, and Jack hates him.

"Don't cause a scene," Ianto warns him.

"What makes you think I'm going to cause a scene?" Jack asks.

Tom and his wife move over to join them and Jack has to keep his hands in his coat pockets. Ianto looks up at them with a blank face Jack knows means he would rather be literally anywhere else in the world.

"So," Tom says, and Jack instantly hates his voice. "I heard you'd been in an accident, but... didn't think this would happen."

"Well," Ianto says, and that's all.

"Who are you?" the wife, Bryn, asks Jack.

"Captain Jack Harkness," Jack says, holding a hand out.

They couple both shake it with looks of disdain that they pretend to hide. Jack does not hide his as easily.

"So, Ianto," Tom says loudly. "How's that civil servant job of yours going?"

"Fine," Ianto grumbles. 

"That's nice," Tom says, sounding like it isn't very nice at all. "Actually, did you know, I've been working on-"

Ianto glances up at Jack with an unimpressed expression. Jack shrugs. He doesn't know how to save them from this.

Their son, Tom Junior (yes, they are apparently that conceited), is the one who saves Jack and Ianto from boring talks about finances and budgets and whatever the hell Tom Senior keeps blabbing on about. He runs off to go play with some kids that Bryn disapproves of immensely- which could have been any other kid at the party- and Tom follows her because God forbid she meets anyone unsavory. 

Jack actually has to stand guard over Ianto after a while because some children keep tearing around the house. One of them crashes hard into Ianto's leg and sends it into a small spasm. It jumps up and down for a few seconds, and the kid looks to Ianto like Ianto was going to get up and go for a sprint after that. Jack quickly explains this was absolutely not the case to the kid and then sends him on his way. Ianto just looks tired. 

"The kids don't even like me," Ianto says lowly, meaning David and Mica.

"They might," Jack says. "If you took time to get to know them."

"Mica's scared of me," Ianto says. "David thinks I'm weird."

"Why do you pay them?" Jack asks.

"What?" Ianto asks, a feigned look of innocence quickly covering his face.

"Come on."

"I don't know what you mean."

"You pay them to leave you alone, don't you."

"And we all like it better that way," Ianto says. 

Jack chooses not to argue with him on it any longer.


	14. Chapter 14

"Owen thinks we should have a night out," Tosh says.

Ianto cocks an eyebrow. "We, meaning..." 

"Well, you, me... Owen, Jack... Gwen..." 

Ianto prays she doesn't say the next name.

"And Sam," she finishes.

Ianto sighs.

"Come on, he's not that bad," Tosh says. 

"He hates me," Ianto says. 

"He does not."

Ianto rolls his eyes and stacks his papers. "Need a coffee?"

"If you come down to make one," she says. "But if you want to."

"Used to be that you all just demanded a coffee and that was that."

"Do you _want_ us to demand coffees?"

Ianto pauses, unsure how to answer that.

"Anyway, are you planning on coming?" Tosh asks. "Just so I know how much I have to dig up from my pockets for whatever round you all make me pay for."

"I suppose," Ianto says. "Are you sure we have time for it?"

"Rift's quiet," Tosh says.

Ianto hadn't known that. He sits up here in the tourist office most of the time, only occasionally being asked to watch over the CCTV cameras or plot the quickest routes when Tosh isn't available to do it herself. So he has no idea how active or quiet the rift is until Jack either comes home late or later than late. If he's just late, then it's a normal day. If he's on time (which is... almost never) then it's a quiet day. And if it's only one am when he's sliding into bed next to Ianto, then it's an active rift day. Otherwise... it's a guess. For a Torchwood employee, he knows very little about what goes on in Torchwood most days. 

"You okay?" Tosh asks.

"Yeah." He hands her a stack of files. "You carry those. I need my hands free and it'll fall out of my lap."

"Coming down?" 

"If you want coffee..."

"Ooh," Tosh said.

"Which bar?" Ianto asks as they move down the dark hallway beyond the secret door. 

"We were thinking the P-"

"No," Ianto says instantly. "Not accessible in the slightest."

Tosh is silent for a moment. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"You should've told us before," she mumbles.

He thinks of the obstacles to get to the team's favourite table, the loo that barely fit his chair, the times he's been tripped over, the times he's been _moved without his permission_... and then he thinks about how happy the team is when they're there. How they laugh and joke and just try to forget the horrors of Torchwood. How could he take that away from them? Sure, this one time is easy, when he has a say in the matter, but when they are all sat at a table, laughing at Owen or Jack's stupid antics... he can't be the one to say how shit it is for him. 

"Well, I suppose now we know," Tosh says when he doesn't reply. "We'll find somewhere better for you."

Ianto hopes that means they haven't written off the bar for good, just when they're with him. He would absolutely hate to take a place that makes them happy away from them. He's upset he has to take it away from himself really, but it is not worth it to struggle through that bar when any other bar could make him just as happy. And anyway, the company is more important than the atmosphere, in the end. 

Tosh spots him as he backs down the stairs. They're steep steps, but there's only two of them, so if he goes down backwards and quickly he can just let himself bump down and he'll be fine. He just needs someone there just in case he _isn't_ fine. He is this time, though Tosh stares down at him with worry until he pushes himself a few feet away from the steps.

"Isn't that dangerous?" she asks.

"Only if there's a lot of stairs," Ianto lies.

She doesn't look convinced, though she doesn't say anything about it either. He wheels himself to the butler's pantry to begin the coffees. He refuses to make Sam's tea. Sam can make his own tea. Jack's mug gets filled a bit extra, and Ianto has to put his own coffee in a thermos, because unless he wants to sit down here to drink it, he can't use a mug. Mugs do not travel very well up steps. Ianto learned that the hard way a few weeks ago. He couldn't feel the burn, but Owen sure was pissed off about it. Fortunately the most damage it had done was stain his suit but... Owen's rage was enough to recover from on its own.

Ianto sits and waits down in the pantry as everyone slowly comes to collect their coffees. Tosh, who continues to keep chatting with him, tells each and every one of them the change in location, and Ianto ducks his head and pretends not to listen every time. None of them send him curious glances, or even angry ones, yet he still feels guilty. 

By the time night comes, he's almost pissed off at himself. How could he feel so guilty? He shouldn't. Advocating for his needs shouldn't feel guilty. And yet he still does. 

Jack says nothing as they drive to the pub, but the few concerned looks he throws at Ianto has Ianto guessing that Jack knows what's eating him. And sure enough, when they arrive, Jack says, "It's just a pub. Nobody cares."

Ianto knows that. Wasn't he just thinking the same thing earlier? And yet... he still feels guilty. Rationality and reason don't penetrate that wall of guilt easily. Jack kisses him, as an "cross my heart and hope to die" swear that he's right, that they won't care. Ianto can almost believe him. 

Not until they enter and Ianto sees Tosh and Gwen laughing away as Owen rolls his eyes and drinks his beer. And again when he rolls up to the table and locks his breaks and Gwen points out that he fits at the end of the table better, and there's room behind him for people not to trip over him. She does it so offhandedly that Ianto can believe her sincerity. And it feels nice. Jack sends him a secret "I told you so" smile. Ianto pretends annoyance, but he still smiles secretly back. 

But then Sam shows up, late as usual, and Ianto sighs. Jack smirks again at him, and this time Ianto glares back at him.

"Is it just me, or do they not have the good local microbrews?" Sam asks.

Ianto does not feel guilty at all after that. Spiting Sam comes above all else.

"Well, everything else is just fine, so maybe it is just you," Ianto says politely.

Jack rolls his eyes. Sam throws him a dirty scowl.

"Cheers," Ianto toasts to Gwen and Tosh and Owen, ignoring the both of them.

"Cheers!" Gwen and Tosh say back. 


	15. Chapter 15

Jack leans over the counter and pokes a key on the computer. Ianto sends him an absolutely filthy glare. 

"Mess up my report one more time, Harkness," he growls, "and you'll be sleeping on the floor."

"What are you going to do, kick me off the bed?"

Ianto rolls his eyes. "If I could, I would."

"Glad you can't," Jack teased.

Ianto threw him another dirty look, though Jack caught the edges of his smile.

"Go away and pester someone else," Ianto says. 

"Can't."

"Can't?" Ianto repeats, eyebrow flicking upwards in suspicion.

"Owen keeps trying to corner me into an examination, so I have to ignore him-"

"Or you could just let him examine you."

"-Tosh yells at me any time I try to come near her station now, says she's on a big project she can't let anyone get in the way of-"

"She's right. Don't touch her stuff."

"-and Gwen is still mad at me about the last trip to Flat Holm, so." Jack folds his arms and leans on them across the desk. "I'm stuck with you."

"You could always go and bother Sam," Ianto suggests.

"What is it with you and Sam?" Jack asks.

"Nothing," Ianto says.

"Lies. You hate his guts."

"I do not."

"Do too," Jack says. "He hasn't even done anything."

"Does he have to?"

Jack sighs. "He didn't steal your job, you know."

Ianto throws him a withering glare. "I know that. I'm not _petty_."

Rather than rightfully disagreeing with that statement, Jack just says, "Speaking of your job... you shouldn't be here. It's Saturday."

"Gwen asked," Ianto says. "Evidently Sam thinks I'm _behind_ and complained to her."

Jack frowns down at him.

"I'm not behind," Ianto sulks, mostly to himself. "I'm _never_ behind. Gwen knows that."

"Not that you mind coming in, though..."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Jack doesn't respond. He reaches over the desk once more to press the button for the invisible door in the wall and then begins to leave when it opens. 

"Jack?" Ianto calls. "You do realize the world isn't going to end just because I showed up to work on a Saturday."

"It might!" Jack replies as the door closes behind him.

Jack technically does have work he needs to be doing. He has a whole spaceship to dismantle. That sounds like a lot, and it somewhat is, but not as much as it may sound. This spaceship is about the size of a dachshund. Its inhabitants are no longer living, but they would've been about the size of Jack's thumb. And now Jack is taking the ship apart for spare parts. 

It's weird not being the leader anymore, sometimes. He has a lot less paperwork and he doesn't get to boss anyone around. Well, actually, as second in command, he does. Just not as much as he used to. He fights with Gwen just as much about things. That will never change, no matter who is the boss and who is the underling. Though, again, he wins less than he used to before. 

But really it's weird that he has to find other things to occupy himself now. Gwen at least had a position, back when she was his second in command. She dealt with people, both police and civilian alike. Jack... is very bad at dealing with people. Gwen has actually had to tell him not to do her old job multiple times, because he only pissed off the police when he tried to do it. So, instead he gets to do the odd jobs. Not the kind like before 2000. Back then he was weevil bait and the team shield. Neither Gwen nor Ianto would allow that now, not ever. But he does all the jobs nobody else does, because... Jack has no other skillsets. At least no skillset useful in the 21st century anyway. 

He doesn't mind it really. Sometimes the jobs are like this, and it's absolutely a blast.

Blast might actually be the best word to describe it, because the moment he cuts his first wire, he shoots backwards, flying into the wall.

The hub shakes for a bit before it settles, and Jack has to throw his hands out to stop the spaceship from falling on top of him. Wires spark and spit. Jack burns his hand, though he feels it heal almost instantly. He's more concerned about the mugs on the shelf (Jack takes over the butler's pantry when Ianto doesn't use it), about to fall down to the ground and break. He catches Tosh's and Owen's mugs, but one of the spares falls and cracks its handle off. Ianto won't be pleased. 

"Everyone all right?" he hears Gwen shout.

"Sorry!" Jack shouts back, getting to his feet. "Won't happen again!"

"What are you on about?" Owen calls. "That wasn't your bloody spaceship. The whole city probably felt that."

"The whole of _South Wales_ must have felt it," Gwen says. 

Jack sets the mugs back on their shelf. 

"We're all okay though right?" Gwen asks. "No broken bones?"

"Dignity could have taken less of a blow," Tosh says, setting her desk chair back upright and getting back on it. 

"We're all fine," Sam says.

"Ianto..." Jack breathes.

He takes off in a sprint for the rolling door, barely pausing to let it open before he slips through. He doesn't bother to wait for the lift and runs up the stairs instead. His stamina is currently fueled by terror and adrenaline, taking two stairs at a time at great speeds. He only slows when he reaches the door in the wall to the tourist office. 

"Ianto!" he shouts when he enters.

"I'm here, Jack."

Jack finds him sitting on the floor, righting his wheelchair. He rushes to the other man instantly, dropping to his knees. 

"Are you okay?"

"I think so," Ianto says. "I'll have to check my legs over later, but I don't think there's any blood."

He glances over his legs quickly, and Jack does the same. He doesn't see any blood seeping through any fabric, so even if there is a cut or a scrape across Ianto's fragile skin, it's minor and can be addressed later. Bruises, too. Though Jack quickly runs a hand up and down both leg to check for any breaks. Ianto wouldn't feel it if he has one, but it would still be an urgent matter. Thankfully, Jack feels nothing, so he lets Ianto get himself back up into his chair, standing up as he oversees it.

"Is it just me... or is it darker?" Ianto asks.

Now that Ianto mentions it, the lighting definitely doesn't feel the same as it did fifteen minutes ago when Jack was up here. He checks the lights first, but those are all on. Then he glances out of the window of the door, which despite being covered with newspapers, can produce a good amount of light when it's sunny out. It isn't producing that light now.

"Why is it dark out?" Jack murmurs.

He and Ianto share a look. Jack breaks it first, walking to the door and kicking rubbish out of the way so Ianto can follow behind in a safe path for his chair. He heads out of the office and down the ramp (newly installed for Ianto's benefit) and then stops dead right at the end. 

"Jack, you're in the way," Ianto says. 

Jack mutely steps to the side, still staring terrified at the sky as he allows Ianto to roll down the rest of the ramp.

"Did we get sent back in time again?" Ianto wonders. "It's like when John Hart first showed up. A loud boom and then it's dark out."

"Ianto... look up."

"What?"

"Up, Ianto, look up," Jack repeats, still gazing up at the planets in the sky.

Ianto finally looks up, and then curses when he does. 

"That's impossible," Jack says.

"I know..."

They manage to tear their eyes from the strange sky to look at each other in horror.

"We need to get inside," Jack says. "In the hub. _Now_."

Ianto just nods and turns around, pushing himself back up the ramp. Jack takes one more look at the sky before following. 

When they get down, the rest of the team is in a flurry of motion, everyone scrambling to get things done. Sam and Owen are checking over the general population, making sure there isn't anything they need Torchwood to step in and fix. Gwen is on the phone with some important government or UNIT official, by the annoyed look on her face. Tosh is tapping quickly away at her computer. 

Jack kisses Ianto quickly, then dashes up the stairs to go help. Gwen immediately hands her call over to him, mouthing "whip them into shape." He shrugs and then allows himself to yell at whoever is bothering Gwen. Evidently John Frobisher, yet again. Jack is very pleased to unleash his annoyance on the man. Gwen moves off to call Rhys as Jack hangs up on Frobisher. 

"Hey," Tosh says as Jack descends the stairs to go help Ianto clean up the pantry. "I think I've found something."

Jack stops, halfway to Ianto, looking back up at her as the rest of the team gathers around her desk. 

"It looks like its only planets, but... there's something else here too," she says. 

"The red dot in the middle," Gwen says. "That's not a planet. What is it?"

"I don't know," Tosh says. "Not yet."

"Can you-"

"Figure it out? Working on it." Tosh throws her a smile. "I'm thinking it's what's keeping all of the planets safe and in orbit."

"Maybe it's the aliens that moved us," Sam says. "Whoever they are."

Jack moves to the pantry, clicking on the computer there and setting it to mirror whatever is on Tosh's screen. Ianto rolls up behind him, the broken coffee mug in his lap. He fiddles with it as he and Jack watch Tosh try to figure it all out.

The moment a loud _"EXTERMINATE"_ comes out of the hub's speakers, the mug slips from Ianto's fingers to the ground and breaks. Jack feels his whole entire world do the same exact thing.

"No," he says. "No no no."

He turns to Ianto, dropping to his knees to level himself out with the other man. Ianto, looking absolutely terrified, reaches out to Jack as Jack does the same. 

They stay like that for some time as the rest of the team shouts loudly about things Jack isn't even paying attention to. All he can think about is how he's going to lose them all in a matter of hours. And he's going to lose Ianto too.

He can't lose Ianto.

After a long while, Jack finds himself sitting beside Ianto, leaning sideways against the wheelchair as Ianto's fingers run through his hair. They tremble so bad that Jack wants to hold them in his own hands until they stop, but Ianto's a fidgeter, so Jack lets him fidget, even if that means shaking this badly. Jack ignores the rest of the team again as another commotion starts up there, but Ianto's hand stops dead. 

"Harriet Jones?" Ianto says, confused.

Jack frowns at him. "What?"

"That sounds like Harriet Jones," Ianto explains.

Jack looks up at the team, huddled around Tosh's computers again. He stands up in a flash when he hears Martha's voice, dashing up to join them.

It takes a bit, and all of their mobile phones, but after a while, the Doctor appears...

And Jack suddenly has a plan to save them all.

Martha works on Project Indigo. She just used it. Jack knows what that is, thanks to a loose lipped soldier. And if he can figure out just exactly where the Doctor will land, then... yes. He can save them all. He can save _Ianto_.

Gwen argues with him before he goes. Of course she does. She's scared he won't come back again. But he will, he swears it. He could never leave them behind again. And he wins this argument because it will save everyone, and he will come back, and most importantly because he teleports away before he can lose the argument. Though he does throw Ianto a final promising smile before he goes. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it please drop a kudos or comment or something! I would love to hear what you liked!


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